#RandomMusings by JulietKego: On this vexing matter of NEtiquette (Online Etiquette)….
#RandomMusing On that vexing issue of adding me to many, many groups…..This is not a rant. But it is very long. Be patient. Y’all know how seriously I take online Etiquette (Netiquette). I did 4 talks at different fora on the subject last year and about 3 so far this year. I think I may have to do a short blog or podcast on it, to bring the blog post alive and reach more people.
One of the fastest way to get me to run from you (or hit delete/block) is if you constantly violate some basic tenets of social media. Some of my pet peeves:
#1. Please, please don’t add me to groups without first sending me a pm about what the heck the group is all about! I got thrown into 7 groups within a few days, some of the conversation eh…na wa!! I’ve had to whittledown my FB list cos’ I confess that I haven’t learnt the patience and maturity to deal with some stuff.
#2. Biko nu, my people, do not add me or tag me to any dance of drama.Your drama may not be my drama. Besides, I may not know the steps to the dance or even enjoy the dance. Don’t make assumptions. Even if I feel strongly about stuff, I love engaging people one on one and actually having a meaningful conversation. Someone’s post on their wall is their business, unless dem add my name there, I have a choice to either engage or not. I don’t argue for argument’s sake.
I argue to learn, to expand my horizon, to hopefully also educate/engage the other party into creating a new model of the world. Often, I love looking at things from a place of neutrality. Sometimes, I take a contrary view just for the heck of it. To stir trouble and make people open up their neurological pathways smile emoticon I love seeing different points of views, even if I don’t agree with it. I just think it helps us evolve and manage/lead ourselves and other people better.
All that ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ flexing is just not my style. I sincerely do believe people have a right to their opinions and their opinions cannot diminish me in any way. If it offends me (that is, it is racist, tribalistic, really abusive of creed, gender, sexuality), I will speak to the person directly and deal with it, period. If they persist, I’ll delete and actually let them know why. Facebook Friendship no be by fire, by force, abeg. Stop taking stuff so damn personal. BE who you are so clearly and without equivocation that you beam out your essence. If you have to keep explaining WHO you are, that means you still need to focus more on BEING you.
#3. Don’t bad-mouth people to me. There’s harmless, juicy gossip and then there’s just insidious, mean-hearted, character-destroying, ego-flexing-stroking sh*t. I just don’t care for it! If that person is your friend on FB or in real life, deal with it directly, better be sure what you’re saying is the truth and not just your perspective of them (2 totally different things cos sometimes our perception is way off base). And if you must share what terrible things they’ve done, please separate the person from their behaviour. Talk specifically about WHAT they did wrong and please be sure to share YOUR role in creating the situation too (yes, it ALWAYS takes two to engage).
Consciously or Unconsciously, we co-create everything that happens to us. So, if you’re not seeing how you’re part of whatever drama you’re experiencing…hmmmnnn wahala dey. The fastest way to get out of of certain looped situation is to create a pattern-interrupt or raise your vibrational frequency. This is basically what I’m doing with this post.
I did a blog post on HRH Sanusi’s daughter’s letter to Linda Ikeji and asked some questions about online privacy et al, only to have some twits on twitter send me public and private messages about how Sanusi’s daughter was a bad girl , slutty kind in school….What rubbish!
Even if it’s true, what has that got to do with anything? Some dickhead (yes, I’m using that word aptly here) even went on and on in pms about how he had ‘personal experience’ with her. I sent him a series of messages about how glad I am that if indeed she did all he claimed, I love that she f*cked so many twits like him and so was in a better place to recognize a good one from a bad lay. That shut him up. I CANNOT stand men who brag about their past escapades (real or imagined) or belittle women they’ve had sexual relationships with.
Just not cool!! At all. It speaks to a level of hidden and deep-seated insecurities. Women fend off respectful admirers, and inappropriate men every single day. Often, we take it in our stride and do it as a matter of fact. We have bad relationships too, imagine if every woman spoke up on social media et al about all the men they’ve had. Because you imagined or really had something frisky to do with Sanusi’s daughter, she no go get opinion about issues again?? What arrant double standards and nonsense!! Mtchewwwwwwwwwww. Yes, very, very long hiss.
Now that I’ve gotten all that off my heaving bosom, YES!! Today, I feel Facebook is back to being a fun space to hang out again! ❤ Cyber-hugs, Jules
Love, Light & Truth!
Juliet ‘Kego Ume-Onyido
You may also find me here: http://www.wholewomannetwork.org
[Click here to read my previous blog entry: Social Media Netiquette – 21 Tips and Strategies for Engaging Online]